Curling – High Drama or Shove Ha’penny on Ice?
- Gary
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Curling—yes or no? It’s the sport that divides nations, friendships, and barroom televisions. People in Canada, Scotland, and certain frostbitten parts of the planet adore it. Others aren’t entirely convinced it's a sport… or even a movement.
In The Man with the Pink Sombrero, controversy slides onto the ice when Tequila Tommy, the surly bar owner of Los Piñata’s finest drinking establishment, shares his feelings on curling. Spoiler alert: they’re not warm.
Tommy’s Take:
Tommy likens curling to Tiddlywinks, Shove Ha’penny, or a particularly aggressive round of scrubbing the kitchen floor. He famously says, “You could win Olympic gold in curling with two days of practice—and that’s only if you stopped for beer breaks.”
Some patrons suggest three days of training—just to be safe. Others argue curling requires skill, precision, and an intimate relationship with brooms. Passionate curling fans in the book (particularly the proud Manitobans) do their best to put Tommy in his place. Whether they succeed… well, you’ll have to read to find out.
The Scientific Test
To settle the debate, I conducted my own rigorous investigation. Using my Apple Watch and a mop I found under the sink, I performed an intense sweeping reenactment of a curling match. Then, I compared my heart rate to a spirited round of shove-a-peso (because I couldn’t find any halfpennies in Mexico).
Results? Alarming. Tequila Tommy might be onto something.
Extreme Curling: A Modest Proposal
Could curling be improved? Some say yes. Ideas include:
Explosive Curling: Where the rocks randomly detonate mid-slide.
Blindfold Curling: Everyone’s blindfolded. Players, sweepers, and even the crowd.
Curling with live animals: Ok, maybe not. But admit it—you pictured it.
My Position?
Firmly neutral. I have too many Canadian friends (and one solitary Scotsman living on a croft) to declare a side. But I will say this: curling is like a slow-motion knife fight in a freezer—low-stakes intensity wrapped in hypnotic, icy weirdness. And maybe that’s the beauty of it.
Your thoughts?
READ THE BOOK – The Man with the Pink Sombrero: where cartel crime, Catholic chaos, and curling collide.
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